Do you know a pregnant person?

It’s an exciting time because a number of my friends and family members are expecting babies!¬†When I speak to my expectant friends and their partners, I try to remember all the mental notes I made during my pregnancy – mental notes on what not to say to a pregnant person. There were some things Dan and I heard repeatedly that made us either want to cry or punch their face (Dan= cry; me= punch their face).

My mental notes on what not to say to a pregnant person:

  1. “You’re having a boy? Watch out, boys are a handful!”
    Despite what some websites say, people cannot choose the gender of their baby. Nor can they exchange their baby for a different one. It’s not a shirt. They are also well aware that little boys are made of snails, puppy dog tails and dirt… or whatever that rhyme says.
  2. Any story about you, your friend or your aunt/sister/mother/cousin/colleague who went through an unpleasant experience while pregnant or during the delivery.
  3. “Get your sleep now!”
    FYI, most pregnant women already aren’t sleeping. In the first trimester she is too busy throwing up or smelling lemons because she read somewhere that it might help her to not throw up. In the second trimester she is up worrying (see point #2). In the third trimester, well, it’s fairly obvious: she’s huge and achy. All. The. Time.

In addition to the above, if you ever encounter a woman who is expecting twins, keep these things in mind:

  1. If you are walking behind an 8-month-pregnant woman who is waddling up the street to the local Yogurty’s, do not call out: “I hope you’re on your way to the hospital!” *
  2. If you are a construction worker and you spot a hugely pregnant woman struggling to get out of her car because the steering wheel doesn’t lift any higher, it’s not okay to yell, “Hey lady, you must be having twins, eh?” **
  3. If you are a teenaged girl driving in your car with your teenaged friend and you spot a woman with the biggest pregnant belly you’ve ever seen, make sure your car window is up before exclaiming to your friend, “OMG LOOK HOW BIG THAT WOMAN IS!” The pregnant woman can hear you. Because your car window is down. And because you’re pointing at her.***

* This happened to me.
** This did too.
*** I hope that teenaged girl has triplets one day.

That’s all I can think of for now, but surely there are additional items to add to this list. What have I missed?

One thought on “Do you know a pregnant person?

  1. Ha. These stories are really funny. I cant wait til those teenage girls get pregnant! (And as I wrote that, I realized how awful that sounds, but Im going to post it anyway)

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